Truth - Freedom or Bondage?

"The Truth will set you free..."

How many times have I heard this phrase? I often contemplate just what it means for me. Often, it means different things based simply on what emphasis you give it. The truth... the TRUTH... THE truth... WILL set you free... will set you FREE. It has meant a bit of all of these inflections to me over the last several months.

It has been a several months since I've been here blogging about weight loss, weight loss scams (and scammer), and life. Over the last few months I've had one more surgery on my knee, plus recovery and therapy time, I have been totally immersed in a very difficult semester in school, I've been working strenuously at two jobs... Not to mention making time for my own family and personal needs.

It is because of these last few months that I must embrase the following inflection of that initial phrase. "The TRUTH will set you free..." I am having a difficult time coming to grips with what my own truth is. The only reason I am publishing it here is because I must be held accountible. Not only to myself, but to all those who follow my blog as well. Since my most recent injury and surgury, my weight has become increasingly difficult to maintain and keep under control. I know that this is partially my fault due to my inability to excercise, compensations should be made in the way I was eating. But none-the-less, I did not. Therefore, over the last 7-8 months I have put on about 25 extra pounds. This has been very disheartening for me and has kept me feeling enslaved to maintaining a lie. But I believe that by putting this truth out here like this, MY TRUTH is now laid bare, and I am not allowing any false presuppositions of my weightloss/maintenance status to be upheld.

I am dilligently working on a HEALTHY plan now to reclaim those 25 pounds lost once again and am confident that patience and perseverance will prevail. My difficulty will be in wanting to get it off NOW. This philosophy was ingrained in my not only this fast paced society that we live in, but also my past experiences. Throughout my experience with the Kimkins program, one of the things that made it so attractive was the speed at which the weight did come off. Over these last few years since I have been away from that program however, I have learned the value of attaining something that you have not only worked hard for, but have waited for with patience. True sustainable weight loss comes at a hard price. It takes time. But it is through that time that you learn healthy new habits that are also sustainable which allow that weight loss to be permanent. Rapid weight loss is never (with a very RARE exception) permanent.

It is this discouragement and "need for rapid loss" mentality which I believe is sending people to return once again to the Kimkins program. Yes, they may be able to get off once again that which they initially lost. BUT, they will once again be caught in that dangerous cycle in which they will regain, and then back to Kimkins, and on and on it will go. There is a two fold danger in that cycle. Not only is constant yo-yo dieting very hard on your body, it can be seriously dangerous. It can be dangerous for your heart, liver, and other organs that are trying to cope with the never ending starvation/feasting roller coaster. Too much of that up and down, and the organs will wear out rapidly. Not only that, but according to other health studies, yo-yo dieting can drastically reduce natural immune system cells which not only target viruses, but also aid the body fighting against cancer cells.

We lose weight initially so we can look better and feel better about ourselves. But, the other issue that I have been faced with over these last several months is the emotional damage that regaining weight can bring. Emotionally and psychologically, I have a very difficult time with self-acceptance and self-worth. When you are in a constant struggle of up and down, gaining and losing, you will also have a psychological war waging within. "I love how I feel when I'm losing," "I hate myself for gaining." This is not healthy either. Health encompases all parts of our being, our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual states combined. This is what makes us unique. When one of those parts is out of balance, the rest will be too. Educate yourself on healthy, proven, maintainable eating strategies which will allow your loss to be much longer lasting. While I cannot guarentee that will improve your self-image, I'm certain that for myself, it can't hurt!

I meant to write tonight of the impact that the TRUTH has had on me over the last several months. Not only with my personal weight gain and epiphanies on sustainable loss strategies, but also in recent events within the Kimkins TRUTH vs DECEIT saga. I will have to get into that at another time, but let me leave you with this. The truth is evident to all. With the recent victory in claiming (once again) class certification in the lawsuit against the Kimkins fraud, it is apparent that regardless of excuses and attempts to cover-up and clean-up, the TRUTH speaks for itself.

Reflections

OK So I know to most people, I'm still a baby. But, my 30th birthday is now looming on me; it will take place at the end of this month. I've been working on my emotional response and preparing myself for this milestone all year. Something happened today, however, that made me realize that age.... is just a number. And, it really doesn't matter cause in the broad scheme of things, I have friends from age 14 to grandmothers (no ages given out of respect;) LOL).

So today, I received an AARP card. Now... I know that you are not supposed to receive these things till you are approaching your 50's. So the mere fluke that I got it as I approach 30 was simply hilarious to me.

It did get me thinking though. Here I am.. 30 years old (and yes... I keep saying it to bring the reality of it to myself), and I am amazed at how much I've learned over my short lifetime... especially the last 2 years. I am approaching my 2 year anniversary of going low carb (Oct 2) and I am AMAZED at how my life has changed. I am thinner... yes. I am, for the first time in my life, what one would consider "normal." But how did I get here? I was scammed. I threatened my own life by low carb starvation. But out of the ashes of such tragedy... comes an incredible beauty.

I have re-entered college. Something I NEVER in a million years would have thought probable or even possible. I am studying NUTRITION of all things!

I have met some of the most incredible people in the world. I have "met" the most incredulous liar, and the kindest saints. So many opposites... it would make even the sanest person's head spin. But... in spite of everything, I am grateful. I am grateful that I have learned an awareness of myself. I am grateful that I have discovered a new purpose in life. I would not wish being deceived and scammed like I have been on my worst enemy. NO-one deserves that. So, I am now an activist. I can embrace my role as wife, mother, helper, and encourager with joy and hope for a brighter lifetime of good health, and showing others that they have that potential too.

Was it a fluke that I got an AARP card this morning... maybe. But just maybe... it was more than that. Thanks AARP...

Happy Anniversary!

A year has gone by. I still have a hard time believing it but, it's been an entire year that I have maintained my 100 pound weight loss. I have a mixed sense of emotions today as I think back over all that has happened this year. I am proud that I lost the weight of course, but not of the method in which I lost it. I am even prouder though that I have persevered and maintained my loss instead of giving up and giving in. I think I have learned more this last year than I have in the last 10 years. So without further ado, a humorous look at 10 things I've learned since leaving the Kimkins program.


Top 10 Things I’ve Learned Since Kimkins

10) Never trust a Russian Bride.

9) There are many ways to lose weight, starvation included, however not all methods come with a guarantee that you will retain your hair.

8) I did not get fat eating fruits and vegetables!

7) God has created a glorious rainbow of nutrition for me to partake in, and He intends for me to utilize it.

6) I can thoroughly enjoy eating healthfully using all 5 senses, and shift my focus from eating “because it’s there” to indulging in the satisfaction that nourishing my body provides.

5) There really are real people out there who do not lie about themselves or who they truly are, and they’re pretty darn nice too.

4) I must be more careful with my money.

3) Dizziness, nausea, and lightheadedness should NOT accompany NORMAL weight loss methods.

2) Food is to be savored with anticipation, not feared.

1) I am worth transforming my view of “me.” If I accept myself for who and what I am, I will only grow happier by treating myself right and losing/keeping weight off permanently for my own health and betterment.

Sensory Eating

This last week I had the distinct privledge of joining quite a few of my fellow low-carber's (many of which are former Kimkins members) on an incredible cruise to Cozumel, Mexico. We had an incredible time, and on Sunday morning got together for a short encouragement meeting. During this time together, I was asked to say a word. I feel like this speech is relevent for all those who are learning to eat and develop a "normal" lifestyle no matter what diet program you are utilizing.

When I began my journey I thought that my goal was to get thin and be “normal.” Kate Harding in The Shapely Prose said:

“… the Fantasy of Being Thin is not just about becoming small enough to be perceived as more acceptable. It is about becoming an entirely different person – one with far more courage, confidence, and luck than the fat you has. It’s not just, “When I’m thin, I’ll look good in a bathing suit”; it’s “When I’m thin, I will be the kind of person who struts down the beach in a bikini, making men weep.” See also:
• When I’m thin, I’ll have no trouble finding a partner/reinvigorating my marriage.
• When I’m thin, I’ll have the job I’ve always wanted.
• When I’m thin, I won’t be depressed anymore.
• When I’m thin, I’ll be an adventurous world traveler instead of being freaked out by any country where I don’t speak the language and/or the plumbing is questionable.
• When I’m thin, I’ll become really outdoorsy.
• When I’m thin, I’ll be more extroverted and charismatic, and thus have more friends than I know what to do with. "

These were my perceptions. I did not realize at the beginning of my journey the transformation that would also need to change in my heart and head in order to begin a completely new relationship with food.

We has humans are created to experience life through our senses. We are find peace, tranquility, and comfort; as well as pain, sadness and chaos through the same input preceptors.

• Sight – We feel elation at the sight of a beautiful sunset. We are at peace when watching the ocean or a mountain vista. We also feel sadness and grief when we see turmoil and hardship. Our hearts ache for those we see wounded in a terrorist attack or struck by natural tragedy.
• Sound – We are inspired by a triumphant symphony and soothed by the sound of a peaceful brook or gentle waves breaking. By the same token, we feel the harshness of a jackhammer or screeching of grating metal.
• Smell – We place scented oils in our homes to create a tranquil atmosphere; roses, violet, vanilla, cinnamon and other soothing smells help to calm us and give us pleasant sensations. Who among us hasn’t turned their nose up, however, when passing a dead skunk or smelling burning rubber?
• Touch – A massage or soft sheets give us comfort. We go home at the end of a hard day and “get comfortable” by changing into looser less binding clothes. However, if there is a burr in those sheets, or your messus is untrained it can immediately turn those pleasurable incidents into harsh and painful experiences.

These above senses can either be used or abused respectively, however, in typical acceptable society for the most part; we utilize them for the appropriate uses that we were created to. The sense of TASTE is one in which I feel we, as an obese culture, have lost perspective on in recognizing the difference between savoring the pleasure of a decadent food, and over-indulging for the self-gratifying purpose of just experiencing “more.” Our civilization has become one of self-pleasure and self-service.

CS Lewis in his novel “Perelandra” wrote about a man who traveled to a distant planet and partook in consumption of a fruit that grew on a tree native to that planet. “It was like the discovery of a new genus of pleasures, something unheard of among men, out of all reckoning, beyond covenant. For one draught of this on earth wars would be fought and nations betrayed.” In experiencing this new pleasure this fruit bore him, the subject was almost overcome with the human urge to repeat the act immediately to experience the sensation again. He was then presented with a conflict and revelation; “Perhaps the experience had been so complete, that repetition would be a vulgarity…. This itch to have things over again, as if life were a film that could be unrolled twice or even made to work backwards…”

Life cannot work backwards. We have forgotten the joy of appreciating the flavors that we are given in foods in hasty self-serving gluttony of wanting to experience the sensation again too quickly.



In this clip, Remy realizes that there is more to eating than just “horking” down his food. He discovers the unique flavors and learns a whole new appreciation for the culinary arts. A wine connoisseur does not gulp down his glass. He will take a little, and then anticipate and enjoy the other senses that accompany the taste. He smells it, swirls it in his glass, holds it in his mouth to experience all the flavors, and then moves on.

What would our lives be like if we captured each moment as an opportunity to make the absolute best of each situation? What would it do to our “dieting” experience if we transformed our thinking from I can’t have this or that… to I can have this? Then completely focus on the enjoyment of the food that you have selected.

The second part of this harmony is combining this new found excitement and enjoyment of food with anticipation and knowledge of what your body needs. Make peace with food. We need it to survive and have been given an incredible gift to enjoy our sustenance. We could have been created like other animals without taste buds and only the instinct to eat to survive. While that is still the primary purpose of eating, we are set apart from other animals with this ability.

Depravation is distinctly different than anticipation. What you keep in your house for daily consumption may be very different than what you have “boxed in” for others. One of my favorite desserts is carrot cake. My grocery store actually sells “individual” slices of cake that prior to losing my weight I was fond of purchasing. I no longer keep carrot cake around my home or chose to by those individual slices because I am aware of my own inability to maintain control when it is readily available. However, I have completely enjoyed the change of mentality when I allowed carrot cake to be one of my “special occasion” pleasures.

Several months ago, my husband and I attended a wedding rehearsal at which this particular cake was served as the dessert. I had a few bites of the cake and instead of “inhaling” the whole thing, I chose to chew very slowly and actually enjoy the flavor that it provided. I did not finish the entire piece because I did not need all of it to complete my enjoyment, however, I do look back with great pleasure at that incident, and I look forward with joy and anticipation to the next time.

Instead of saying that I CAN’T have a certain food, I say that I choose not to have it at this time, and find an alternative. I know what that carrot cake tastes like. The flavor will not change. It will still be carrot cake a week, 3 months, or a year from now. I can avoid the guilt of indulging in it regularly and instead turn that guilt into satisfaction and joy in knowing that I have anticipated and allowed myself the pleasure in due time.

Being fit is a journey with ups and downs, mountains and valleys. I have found that the journey is made much more enjoyable by learning to focus on the experience rather than attempting to “take it all in.” I learned that that “fantasy” of being thin was nothing more than an illusion that quickly dissipated and could have been very discouraging had my mindset towards wellness not shifted. We can be happy in our pursuit to a healthy weight by accepting the way we were made, and learning to distinguish between satisfaction and over-indulgence.

This has been a long year with more roller coasters and twists and turns then I could have ever anticipated. But, we are here. We are on the road to a better us. And, we have each-other to support, encourage, and push along the road. Thank you for sharing in my journey with me.

My Confession

It is time for me to share something with you. I am coming clean about the excruciating difficulty that I have had in maintaining my weight loss that I obtained utilizing a Very Low Calorie Diet such as Kimkins. The road has been far from an easy transition. We think when we are on the road to losing weight that once we attain our goal that life will somehow magically get easier.

There are many people within the Kimkins forums even at this time that are bypassing or ignoring the warnings of various side effects that may occur while utilizing the diet for the mere idealism that, “It’s working for me. I’m losing weight, so a side effect is a short term sacrifice.” But there is one side effect from using this program is not spoken of often and I’m afraid is one of the most mentally demoralizing that can come from achieving weight loss from the Kimkins diet program. That is the inability to maintain the weight loss. Or at the least, maintenance with an agonizing amount of effort.

I have a hobby that most people do not know about me. I am an artist… and not just any artist. I am a cake decorator. My confectionary creations are my art. They are each works of love and I put a tremendous amount of pride and effort into each one that I make.



On one occasion I was hired to provide a Barbie cake for a sweet 4 year old little girl. I worked on that piece with much joy and anticipation knowing how happy it would make that little girl. I made a mistake however, in the delivery of that cake when instead of the safer route of placing the cake on the floorboard of my car; I was in a hurry and opted to place it in the passenger seat next to me. The inevitable happened, and a car stopped quickly in front of me. In order to avoid a collision I too stepped quickly on my brakes. The force of gravity was too strong, and the cake slid off the seat and onto the floor upside down. I decided to take the easy and quick solution and ended up not only losing what I’d worked so hard for; but I also lost my profit from the cake, and disappointed a precious little girl.

The reason for my story is this. Why would we labor and put effort into something that means much more to us than a cake (our bodies and lives), if the method in which we choose to better ourselves in actuality sets us up for almost inevitable failure?

Weight loss is a very personal and difficult journey in and of itself. We work hard. We sacrifice, we get discouraged, we get excited, we laugh, we cry, we push ourselves farther than we thought we could go. But what does all that hard work profit us if it is not met with some sort of reward? As exciting and rewarding as achieving a goal weight is, it is also worthless if that goal is not maintained. The true prize in a weight loss journey is sustaining that loss and better health for the rest of our lives.

The transition from weight loss to a maintenance lifestyle should be smooth and painless. It should allow freedom and excitement in a new way of life. It should not be confusing and discouraging. One of the hardest things for me to hear is when people disregard the warnings about the dangerous side effects from the Kimkins program by rationalizing that I lost the weight and “it worked for me,” especially since I have kept the weight off for almost a year now. What most people do not know, is that it has taken me an entire year to even moderately repair the damage that my metabolism endured by losing weight the way I did. My transition into maintenance was/is EXTREMELY slow and difficult. The fear to add in any foods warred with the head knowledge that I HAD to eat something. Even now, I am still not in the position that most hope for to be able to eat “normally.”

Kimkins has NO maintenance program. The guidelines that were provided at one point in time were actually written by me, and were removed very quickly after I left the program. I am not a dietician or physician, so I have no doubt that even the guidelines that I was lead to believe were appropriate were lacking in nutritional value. Most of my friends and acquaintances who have since come off of the Kimkins program and resumed eating “normally” have either completely halted their weight loss efforts, or put back on the majority of the weight that they initially lost. Through our discussions we all agree that it would have behooved us to have lost the weight that we did utilizing a program that would not have set us up for such heartache.

So yes, it might be working for you. Yes, you may be losing weight rapidly and ignoring the other warnings. You may view me and those with me who oppose the Kimkins program as hateful because we have discouraged the only program you think will work for you. But, I must ask you to step away for a moment and glance into the future. How will you maintain your loss? Praying that you do not suffer any other side effects that many, if not most, of us have suffered; how will you sustain the joy of your new body? No one wants to have to continue a diet indefinitely. I certainly do not want to have to resort to reducing my caloric intake again such as I did with Kimkins merely to get off the holiday 10lbs. That is a miserable existence.

Think of yourself in 1, 3, or 5 years. Where do you want to be personally? I only wish the best for those of you who are still traveling the weight loss portion of your journey. I pray that you will not struggle as I have to sustain the tremendous effort that you have put in to reach your goals. As for me…. My metabolism will repair eventually. It will take time, and great care and attentiveness, but, I am confident that I will get there someday. I hope you are there sooner.

Good Morning America - The TRUTH addressed

I have almost been at a loss concerning what to say today. There has been much on my mind since I participated in this interview for Good Morning America. I've been troubled by the smoke screen obscuring the truth versus multiple fabrications regarding the Kimkins diet. Because of these questions and discrepancies, I want to address several "points" of argument that continue to surface following any media coverage of the Kimkins controversy.

I have been accused of many things. Most center around the assumption that I have some sort of hidden agenda or motive in exposing issues regarding Heidi Diaz's presentation of the Kimkins diet. My reason remains that many people still sign up for this program who simply print out the food lists and guidelines and put it in practice. These silent people get sick without understanding why. These unheard voices may be saved by the continuing exposure of real dangers in the fundamentals of this program.


The following are the claimed "discrepancies" and my response to the accusations:

1) "There is no 500 calorie limit. I was never told to starve myself."

Well, of course you weren't. No one would be interested in a program where people are told to NOT EAT. Heidi's gimmick emerges as admins advise fervent, intense dieters to "only eat when you are hungry," while failing to define what true hunger signals. Diaz published an article on the "'myth' of starvation mode" (her idea: one cannot starve if any fat reserves remain in the body) in order to hook dieters into believing that fat people cannot eat too little. Members are told to eat when hungry, but to also determine if the "hunger" feeling is real or psychological. That is where the tricks of a cup of chicken broth (Kimmer's Egg Drop Soup = 1 cup chicken broth and 1 egg or egg white. UNDER 50 calories with 1 egg white) or Crystal Lite come in.

NO one is told to keep calories under a certain amount, but given the food lists and choices available, that is where they naturally fall because "I'm not hungry" usually comes before a desire to eat one more lean protein portion. In this post that I made last year I described how even with my calories BELOW 400 on average, Heidi encouraged me to limit my protein servings and cut foods with any fat out of my diet, completely in contradiction to the current claim of "I'm never told to eat less." This advice prior to October, 2007 was standard.

Here are Heidi Diaz' own words regarding the low calorie aspect of the Kimkins diet:

"We are low calorie after ketosis kicks in or with the shake option, but those calories are identical to post-WLS patients (500 cal a day for months), original Optifast and Medifast (450-700 cal a day for months)."

The difference? Those who are on a post-WLS diet are under STRICT doctors supervision and the do not remain on those diet plans for an unspecified period of time. Even those following a shake diet program are encouraged to eat a normal, HEALTHY BALANCED meal for dinner.

2) "We never recommend laxative use unless someone has constipation issues."

This statement actually has two parts. The second part of the phrase included the innuendo from Heidi to the moderators "... or unless someone reports that they are stalled." Along with a request to view the dieter's Fitday or food journal would be a question regarding regularity many if not most times accompanies with a version of the following instructions (Heidi's words):

"but all I'm suggesting is someone take a regular dose for 1-2 days and then a 25-50% dose each day after. The member who's doctor prescribed a laxative (which is stronger than what can bought over the counter) and to take full strength daily. Stores are full of laxatives and those people aren't all doing Kimkins."

In closing, I would like to direct your attention to this blog, published today by former Kimkins member "Regandy." In this post, "Regandy" describes the emotional and psychological damage that comes very frequently from following a program such as Kimkins. I can completely empathize with Regandy in this post. The road to maintaining my weightloss has been rocky at best. I know all to well the difficulties that come after a metabolism is damaged following a program such as Kimkins. All though there are still people utilizing this program to lose weight, their road has only just begun. Using the Kimkins program establishes a maintenance disability. It enables a fear of adding in any "normal" foods. When those attempting to add foods to their diet do, they see a shocking result on the scale.

It is because of these continued arguments and discrepancies, and because of those struggling to regain their daily lives that I continue to speak out regarding my experience with the Kimkins program and Heidi Diaz.

Why.... The Risks ARE Real.

Many times I am asked why I am continuing to spread the word about my fears regarding the Kimkins program and sharing what I feel are the very real and present dangers regarding the eating issues that can arise utilizing it as written. I want to share some of my motivation with you today. It is not often that I share photos of my family here in my blog, but these people are some of the most important people in the world to me.



This photo was taken about 2 and ½ hours prior to our accident on January 1 of this year. From my grandparents, to my parents, to all 5 of my siblings plus their spouses… these incredible people are why I do what I do. Standing by a loved one suffering is heartbreaking, no matter what precipitated it, but no family should have to endure watching a loved one endure the self-inflicted illnesses many Kimkins users have experienced. Each member of my family was worried about my emerging anorexia/bulimia. All expressed their concerns for my health and eating disordered methods and mentalities.

So why did I blog about Kimkins from my hospital room? Because I was overwhelmed with love, support and kindness from my family and those closest to me. I could imagine another family sitting in a similar hospital room watching their loved one suffer from a preventable eating disorder or a side effect from disordered type of behavior, and I felt that warnings must continue to be given.

If you have a loved one who is suffering, or if you have concerns or questions regarding the warning signs of these behaviors, please feel free to contact me through my blog or send me an email. I’d love to help however I can, whether through a listening ear, understanding shoulder, or caring hand.

Misplaced Motivation

"There is no sadder grief than that which lies at the bottom of a life that has been wrecked through deception"

~Lemuel K. Washburn

"An honorable man or woman is one who is truthful; free from deceit; above cheating, lying, stealing, or any form of deception. An honorable man or woman is one who learns early that one cannot do wrong and feel right. A man's character is judged on how he keeps his word and his agreements."

~Ezra Taft Benson

I feel the time is right for me to address the questions and concerns that have risen in regards to my motivation and purpose in my stance against the Kimkins diet and exposing Heidi Diaz. It is no secret that for the last year I was a avid supporter of the Kimkins diet. After all, I lost 100lbs. I was assured with absolute confidence that being overweight was far greater a risk than any I would subject myself to by utilizing this diet. So with much gusto and enthusiasm I embraced the teachings of "Kimmer" and touted them as she had instructed me.

I excitedly traveled to Los Angeles for the Woman's World photo shoot and believed with all my heart that I was helping motivate others to lose that dreaded fat through my actions. After all... Heidi had done it... she not only lost it but maintained it for 5 years! I was sure there was hope for me to finally win the battle of the bulge. I wrote my "How I Did It" thread again with enthusiasm and inspiration. All done with the encouragement and flattery that I was a "star." I was Heidi's cover girl and her pupil.

My participation in Kimkins was enthusiastic to say the least. So much so that the side effects/symptoms of malnutrition and starvation that I was experiencing I was grasping at every straw that I could to justify and explain what was happening to me. I went to my doctor to get a physical in July after being off of the program for 4 months. My blood work and other things all showed up ok and when I told my doctor about my weight loss... I simply explained it as "Lean proteins and veggies." He was fine with that, with only a passing comment about a high protein diet being ok for those who are "younger and more resilient." When my blood work came in ok I clung to that as validation that I was ok... however... my hair loss had still not slowed down and my menstrual cycle was still very irregular.

As the PR representative I began to do research with the rising "grumblings" against Kimkins and Kimmer, I felt it was my responsibility to "debunk" what I was told were misconceptions and misinformation's regarding the program. As I researched and began to delve into the issues arising in following a very low calorie diet such as Kimkins, I realized that I was not alone in my symptoms. I grew increasingly worried as I learned that the symptoms I was having were very much in line with those who suffered from eating disorders such as Anorexia.

Not long there after was when Becky left/was fired from the program. I had begun to see the person behind the mask. Although I had desperately wanted to believe Kimmer, and to question now was to go back on everything I had trusted in and based my life on for the last year, I knew that if I was to represent the company with integrity and present it (the Kimkins company) as an ethical and upstanding growing corporation, I must clear the air of the murk that was beginning to set in.

The last couple of weeks in August were agonizing for me emotionally as I gathered my thoughts and evidence for the questions that I had for Kimmer/Heidi. I knew based on Becky's experience that my asking would only have one result, and yet I still believed in the potential goodness of Heidi and I wanted desperately to believe that what I knew would happen wouldn't. However, my own experience was becoming a frightening reality and the questions within the boards of people becoming very ill and growing medical problems were too loud to ignore and the questions must be asked.

On September 3, 2007 while on vacation with my family and with many tears and great heaviness I submitted my questions to Heidi Diaz, knowing what the result would be for my "defiance" and inquiries. I have written about my questions previously but again listed for your review, I requested verification and documentation on the following points:

1) The safety of her claims regarding laxative use.

2) The claim that the program was technically "doctor approved" because it was based off of programs written by doctors, and a statement that a doctor's approval for the program was long overdue. I also requested a copy of the email that she had claimed to have sent to a bariatric specialist

3)Documentation that the program (being low cal) was safe "no mater if your 14 or 84."

4) The issue that had arisen regarding teens utilizing the website and her encouragement to continue on the plan when she had clearly stated that teens were not allowed.

5) Questions followed up with examples clearing the air regarding her identity as Heidi Diaz.

Here is the response that I received from Heidi about 30 minutes after I asked those questions:

"I understand that you're a person of integrity and it seems you've had a
nice life (meaning you might be a bit protected or naive -- which is nice!)...

...You will discontinue as Director of Media & PR. I have someone in
mind who can step in...."

In a following email:

"...I don't see that there's a future for you with Kimkins unless you can
come up with something that wouldn't jeopardize your integrity..."

So am I a disgruntled employee? No. Since I left Kimkins I have had almost daily contact with people who have been hurt. Physically, emotionally, and psychologically from this woman and this twisted eating plan, and I am deeply saddened.

Shortly after returning from my "vacation" I decided that it was necessary for me to return to my doctor and come clean with what I had actually done. If you have followed my blog you know what the results of that meeting were. With tears and grief I shared my story with him and his concern was genuine.

My side effects, however scary, have been minimal compared to the stories that are coming to me. My heart breaks for these people, and they are crying out for a voice. If I was spared greater damage to be their voice, then so be it and I am prepared to do that for them.

My last point is this... you may look at me and say "Well look at her... she lost weight, she looks great... so what if she lost hair, periods, whatever... she's healthy now and has maintained it."

I cannot stress to you how difficult maintenance coming off of this program has been. I will be further blogging about my maintenance strategy at a later date, but the price has been high, and the road so much harder than weight loss ever was. Attempting to repair the damage that I had done to my body has been and continues to be a struggle.

I am not backing down. Yes, I promoted Kimkins. Yes, I believed at one time that it was a lifesaver for me. Knowing what I do now... would I do it again? I honestly don't know. Like so many overweight people today I was desperate. However, my motivation was Kimmer. Her claim to have lost the weight and kept if off... I would want to ask those using the program now though... what is the motivation... where is the proof that you will be safe after you lose the weight and how will you keep it off? A weight loss journey is not just the beginning... it has a middle and an end; it is a complete change in your way of life and thinking. What kind of life will a cycle of restrictive yo-yo eating be though?

I hope that I have been able to clear up some questions that have been circulating around. Please know that my motivation, although misplaced for a time period, has never been anything other than helping others make better lives for themselves.

For such a time as this.... I am prepared.

Purposes and PR

I want to begin this blog by thanking the many many members of the Low Carb Community for your overwhelming support and kindness to me over the last few weeks. I have such a wonderful caring community, and I do value each of you.

As I was preparing for my trip to New York to be on The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet I really had to search within myself for what exactly was my motivation for going on the show. I want to share with you all an email that I received this morning from a former Kimkins member, Tina AKA Lil_Red. Tina has been emailing me since I left Kimkins in an effort to determine and discover for herself where her own journey would take her. I want you to hear this in Tina's words as she describes what she has discovered about herself and this program that all of us were so convinced was our golden ticket to permanent weight loss:

"Hello ,
My name is Tina Coates aka Lil_Red. I wanted to write this out for everyone to see. I am not doing this to win brownie points with anyone, I am doing it for the purpose to let the past, present and future Kimkins users know that this is not a healthy nor safe diet. I joined Kimkins in June of 2007 withe same intent as everyone else; to lose weight as promised , fast and safe. I have since then started to have issues with my health. The first issue I had was about the end of July. I started to have really itchy burning skin. All over my body not just in one area. I first noticed it on my face. When I would scratch or rub it would burn and hurt like heck. I chalked it off to what others kept telling me "oh it's probably an allergy Lil_Red " , "what have you ate different?" I cut out things I thought it might be. That meant eggs, aspartame, splenda and I even avoided any contact with the sun, thinking it might be a sun allergy. Nothing worked. Continuing on to lose the unwanted lbs I started to experience hair loss. At first it was a couple of hairs here and a couple there. I thought nothing of it because I had thick hair. I use to joke around saying to my hair dresser "well, at least I will never go bald!" Now that just isn't funny anymore as I have little hair left. And yet, I continued on still to shed the lbs. I started to have chest pains , thinking it was around the gallbladder area I would go and have it looked at. I went in for the blood test and it is not my gallbladder. I am still uncertain what it is. I still get the pains and shortness of breath. I am hoping you will read my story and know this is for real. This is not a joke. And I am in no way saying this to get publicity nor am I saying this cause I had anything to do with Heidi aka "Kimmers". I am saying this to warn you peple this is dangerous. You can lose the weight in a healthy way. Thanks for reading my story."

Tina - you are not alone.

While on the show I was challenged by the new PR director of Kimkins, Jeannie AKA Tippy Toes, in my statement about how I hear every day of people being hospitalized, hurt, and sick through utilizing the Kimkins program. Jeannie, in answer to your request, I do hear you. I present for you though Tina, who is just one of many stories I have been witness to now since leaving Kimkins. Look around your forums. When I left, people were posting daily about issues that they were having looking for answers. Their bodies are screaming in malnutrition and they are simply encouraged to speak to their doctors. I understand that answer, and gave it myself even. But the issue does not lie there. The issue lies in the original problem, with the nutrient deficient program that they are following.

Kimkins as a diet is not stable. Yes, the "minimum" calorie count has been upped to 800. But I'm here to tell you, I put together, while I was still working for Kimkins, a Boot Camp Menu in an effort to "prove" that it could be done with a higher calorie count. Utilizing the specified protein limits and vegetable limits given for that option, I was only able to come up with a menu that totalled just over 700 calories. I have proof via screen shots of Heidi stating that the boot camp option usually averaged around 500 calories a day and that's the way it is. I'm sorry, but 2 cups of lettuce for lunch and dinner and 1/2 a cup of cooked veggies a day is NOT enough to provide the essential vitamins that our bodies need.

While the plans on the inside may be changing, what is published has not. What about all those who have joined, printed the lists, and taken them at face value. They put it on their refrigerator and read "no more than 20 carbs," and they take that as is, never coming on the forums to ask questions or for clarification. Kimmer (Heidi) herself adamantly insisted to myself, Becky, Deni, and other moderators that when you take her plans and tweak them, they are no longer Kimkins. You have now simply published a modified Atkins program which will leave you open for even further legal complications.

Yes, people are getting sick, and I have proof. Not from extremes, but from doing exactly what they have been told and understand. There is no amount of public relations spinning that can be done to give the peace of mind back to Tina that her health has not been harmed. It cannot give another member's gall-bladder back. It cannot undo the fear of another who spent days in the hospital due to an electrolyte crash. These are not bogus stories made up by someone who had a vendetta against Heidi or the program. These are real people who are suffering.

My question is... how many more? Jeannie, this is in no way meant to question your credibility or motivation. I had the same motivation and received the same emails as you speaking of encouragement and motivation. You can still motivate people in weight loss without endangering. We can still motivate without aiding a criminal fraud.

Will it take someone with a heart condition dying of a potassium deficiency? How many more must suffer?

To Exercise or Not to Exercise... that is the question.

One of the selling points of the Kimkins program is that exercise is not necessary for weight loss. In fact, this quote from Kimmer shows the viewpoint of the program on a regular exercise routine:

"Did you know exercise doesn't work? Nope. I know you're shocked! It's the most common fallacy in the diet business -- work out and lose weight. Are they serious?


Check any exercise calculator. A 200 pound woman who walks 2 miles a day will only burn 175 calories! This means it will take 3 weeks of daily walking to lose only 1 pound!!! Just 1! Walking 2 miles every day!

Here's the math: 175 calories x 20 days = 3500 calories (1 pound)


This is why the Kimkins Diet is a weight loss Super Star! Kimkins is thermogenic. You burn more calories than regular "slow" diets -- and it works without exercise! It's true! Kimkins members typically lose 5% of their total body weight in the first 10 days! Wow!

It's your choice: Depend on exercise to lose 1-2 pounds in 30 days or pick thermogenic Kimkins and lose 10% of your total body weight in 30 days! Hmmm, I know what sounds better to me!"

I decided to check for myself just to make sure my numbers were right. If you're anything like me, you measure your walking/exercise most often by time, not distance. By the same calculations on Calorie Control.org, a 200lb person walking briskly for 45 minutes will burn actually 395.99 calories. This is equal to just under a pound a week (walking 6 days a week). However, I do not want to talk about just the weight loss benefits of exercise today. I have discovered the multitude of additional benefits that regular activity can give us, weight management aside.

On the Mayo Clinic website there are 7 additional reasons listed as to why regular exercise is valuable to our overall health transformation. After all... isn't that the goal of our journey? Health.

I learned along my path that the goal was not necessarily to lose weight. While that was one pleasant side effect. The true target was to achieve an outcome of better health. Losing weight was just step number 1. I realized that in order to obtain a lifetime of healthful living, I would have to do more than just temporarily change my way of eating. It was to be a life change. Not only would I have to switch my paradigm regarding the way I ate on a daily basis; another one of those life changes would have to be implementing a regular exercises routine.

The reason that most, if not all, doctors strongly recommend exercise as a part of a healthy diet program is because of the vast variety of health benefits that it provides. Active muscle burns fat at a much faster rate than an in-active muscle. When you are exercising and building your muscle mass, not only are you burning calories, but you are increasing your fat burning ability. Building those muscle's also gives you a natural endorphin release which helps to improve mood and psychological well-being as well. Ever notice how good you feel after a well done work out? So not only is it good for your body physically, it's good emotionally and psychologically.

Here is a list of some other very specific benefits to a proper exercise routine from the Nutristrategy website:

Specific Health Benefits of Exercise

Heart Disease and Stroke. Daily physical activity can help prevent heart disease and stroke by strengthening your heart muscle, lowering your blood pressure, raising your high-density lipoprotein (HDL) levels (good cholesterol) and lowering low-density lipoprotein (LDL) levels (bad cholesterol), improving blood flow, and increasing your heart's working capacity.

High Blood Pressure. Regular physical activity can reduce blood pressure in those with high blood pressure levels. Physical activity also reduces body fatness, which is associated with high blood pressure.

Noninsulin-Dependent Diabetes. By reducing body fatness, physical activity can help to prevent and control this type of diabetes.

Obesity. Physical activity helps to reduce body fat by building or preserving muscle mass and improving the body's ability to use calories. When physical activity is combined with proper nutrition, it can help control weight and prevent obesity, a major risk factor for many diseases.

Back Pain. By increasing muscle strength and endurance and improving flexibility and posture, regular exercise helps to prevent back pain.

Osteoporosis. Regular weight-bearing exercise promotes bone formation and may prevent many forms of bone loss associated with aging.

Psychological Effects. Regular physical activity can improve your mood and the way you feel about yourself. Researchers also have found that exercise is likely to reduce depression and anxiety and help you to better manage stress.

Millions of Americans suffer from illnesses that can be prevented or improved through regular physical activity.

• 13.5 million people have coronary heart disease.
• 1.5 million people suffer from a heart attack in a given year.
• 8 million people have adult-onset (non-insulin-dependent) diabetes.
• 95,000 people are newly diagnosed with colon cancer each year.
• 250,000 people suffer from a hip fractures each year.
• 50 million people have high blood pressure.
• Over 60 million people (a third of the population) are overweight.

Throughout my journey I have been asked if I had to exercise to get the weight off. I used to answer people that it wasn't necessary, but that I did just because I wanted to. I realize now that my idealism's were incorrect. Exercise is very important. When a program tells you that exercise is not necessary you are only harming yourself. While I understand that there are many people who do not enjoy exercise, I would have to ask... what is it that you don't like? What do you have to lose by at least giving it a try?

By taking control of your eating you are taking the first step in bringing your life into balance. The second is to implement a regular activity routine. It's a powerful cycle. When you exercise, you feel better, when you feel better, you want to eat better. You will not have to work as hard to control your weight, and you will start loving what you see in the mirror.

Renowned psychologist Dr Phil McGraw said in his book "The Ultimate Weight Solution:"

"You must ramp up your exercise effort so that your body is physiologically capable of losing weight and counteracting weight gain. When you do this, you maximize your weight loss and your ability to keep your weight off permanently.

The result, the ultimate outcome is that you can lay claim to most or all of the powerful and positive payoffs of exercise... and keep your weight off for good."

Should you be wary of a program that promises you do not have to exercise to better your health? Absolutely.

Why Do We Fail At Maintenance?

This question has been haunting me recently as I’ve passed my one year mark of living a low carb lifestyle. Statistics say that once you lose the weight, most people usually FAIL at keeping it off. Why? What is it that makes living a thin lifestyle for those of us who lived the majority of our lives overweight so difficult? Do we follow a program just to get the weight off or do we truly recognize the need and necessity even of shifting paradigms?

The first time I lost a significant amount of weight I got pregnant almost immediately. At that point, I for some reason thought that I could just go back to eating the way I had previously enjoyed myself. After all, it was for the baby right? The pounds began to pack back on, and this was multiplied when we ended up having complications with the pregnancy and losing that baby. But what happened to me mentally? I obviously had taken the mindset that I needed to lose the weight, but not to keep it off. Bad habits crept back in and before I knew it… not only had I gained it all back, but plus some.

I spent the next 2 years yo-yoing before conceiving again and with that (successful) pregnancy I gained over 70lbs! I knew I was overweight, but just wasn’t in “that place.” I always used the excuse “I could never give up my bread… potatoes… (insert your poison of choice here).” So obviously it wasn’t priority in my life at that point.

Slowly, things began to compile and the veil began to be lifted as I started seeing just what was going on in my own life that was hindering me making a real difference. What was it that was hindering me? Me.

I realized that I was serving me. “I want… I can’t give up…. I deserve…. I can’t pass on….” all about the “I.”

What happened when I started losing weight at lightning speed? My thought process shifted, but from one self serving “I” to another. “I want it off NOW.” Patience and self-control played second fiddle to my insatiable desire to go faster and faster. I was encouraged and spurred on with the hope and false information that this was perfect and a great way to lose. And I bought it! Totally! Never-mind what damaging effects I might have permanently been putting on my body. But one thing rang through….

My mom asked me shortly after I lost the weight if I had in actually traded one selfish ambition for another. Is this what had happened? Is this why we have such a hard time maintaining weight-loss to begin with? I suddenly realized that I had still not completely dealt with the heart issue.

I began my journey with good intentions. I wanted to make a better life for myself, my family, my health, and to honor my Lord with my body. But the road to destruction is often lined with good intentions. When the complements start flying that same self-centered thinking begins to creep back in. “If they like me now… just wait till they see me then…” I don’t think that anyone would deny that being on the cover of a magazine is pretty much the ultimate compliment that you can get when you’ve been losing weight. Especially for someone like me who has been overweight my entire life.

Since leaving the Kimkins program I have learned so much. God has blessed me with incredible friends and family who have supported me 100% in everything that I’ve done. One thing that I discovered however is that by not addressing the base line issue that I had forgotten why I decided to begin my journey in the first place. I chose to live the way that God intended me to live. I no longer face a self-serving attitude of more more more (or less as the case may be). I found that I needed to re-adjust my paradigm and realize that successful weight loss and maintenance was not about getting complements or feeling good about myself, while those are definite benefits and perks, they are not the goal. True maintenance begins in the heart.

By transferring my thinking to a goal of honoring God with my body and extending my life in a healthy way for my children and family, it is no longer about “I.” Food is for nourishment first and enjoyment second. At first, it seems like a tremendous paradox… if we didn’t enjoy food so much then we wouldn’t have a weight problem, but if the pleasure was taken out of eating, then we wouldn’t feel the need to nourish. We have taste-buds for a reason. It is a gift so that we can enjoy this aspect of life. But like other aspects it is a gift we seem to abuse.

By over-indulging we seem to counter-act the exact thing that God intended for us. I believe He would much rather us savor and completely enjoy the flavor of a strawberry, instead of smothering it in sugar and bleached flour and taking away from the nourishment and satisfaction that can come from a simple serving of the fruit. When we over-indulge, we desensitize ourselves and our taste-buds to the actual pleasure that can come from eating GOOD foods.

Ask anyone who has been eating healthfully for an extended period of time. Whole, healthy GOOD foods seem to take on an all new vibrancy. Why? Because we had become desensitized to the actual flavors of the foods themselves. I am constantly amazed at how good I feel and the pleasure that comes from eating well. I can now enjoy those moments of healthful eating with greater satisfaction than the food can give me; because I know that I am honoring God with my choices, and I am giving my children a much brighter future with a healthy and participating mother.

While I am still far from what I would call a complete success as far as the maintenance goes, I feel confident that this time it is for good. It’s been 7 months. This time, it will stick. This time, it’s not about me.

My First Video Blog

This is my first of hopefully many podcasts. It is not necessarily the way I wished to begin, however I feel that my message is vital for the health and wellbeing of those who are still unsure of the Kimkins program.

I wanted to address my friends still within that program. I want you to know my heart. I have nothing but love for you all. I am so saddened that it has all come to this... Please heed my warning. God has so much more for you... He wants you to live a healthy, happy and long life. He has given us this body as a temple, and it is up to us to respect it, and treat it right. Not deprive it of valuable and necessary things that He has put on this earth for our nurishment and enjoyment.

God bless my friends and I look forward to sharing even more with you.

Maintaining the Status Quo

My dear friend Deni said that once she saw the Kimkins program as a speeding train. She was warned not to remain on that train and instead sit on her bench at the train station and wait for travelers to come off of the train. I too sit on that bench… and every now and then we journey down my road, stopping for a while to rest with our friend Becky at her tent… But then, I come back to the train and I am saddened at worried. I look through the windows and I see friends. Many of whom I did invite aboard with me. They are my friends, my allies, my confidants, my support system. But what true friend would I be if I allowed them to continue without warning them of the impending danger that is to come? The more I read and research the more I realize the grave danger I put myself in, and others in, through my use of the Kimkins diet program.

It breaks my heart that these people who used to be my friends have now labeled me as an outsider; a “hater.” I did not get my research and proof of what I found from “anti” blogs or forums contrary to what has been reported to you. Doesn’t it seem odd that “my friend,” the founder of that program would not provide me with the medical proof that I asked for? And I asked not only as a concerned friend, but as the Public Relations representative in order that I might represent what I believed in whole heartedly. But I was given nothing to stand on. No concrete to plant my feet on, as I desperately sought a way to defend my decisions and they way I had led my life for almost a year. Instead, I was left floundering in assumptions of my greatest fears, later confirmed by my own studies. I understand. I was just as disillusioned as you are trying not to be… maybe even more so. I was on the cover of a magazine telling the world of a program which I had assumed to be safe!

My friends I implore you, you have heard my heart. You have read my words. I, of all people, would be the first to jump up and shout to the rooftops if I could prove Kimkins to be safe for general dietary use! This is what I asked Kimmer for. I wanted to promote Kimkins with integrity and honesty. I wanted to be able to show without a doubt that it was a good program. But, try as I might, I could not.

I am a real person. I’ve met some of you, others I’ve spoken with over the phone. You’ve seen pictures of me through my journey, of my friends and family members with me. Please trust your heart. I am your friend, the one you looked up to. If you joined Kimkins because you saw my face and trusted me when I proclaimed that you too can lose weight, trust me again. You CAN lose weight; AND you can do it healthfully. Do not be pulled into the “comfort” of the train ride or a fear to go against the status quo… that train is headed for a ravine and the bridge is out my friends.

I want to leave you with this old story about a king. This king‘s life was saved and he didn’t even know it till it was too late.

A King and His Hawk

One morning when he was home from the wars, he rode out into the woods to have a day's sport. Many of his friends were with him. They rode out gayly, carrying their bows and arrows. Behind them came the servants with the hounds.

It was a merry hunting party. The woods rang with their shouts and laughter. They expected to carry much game home in the evening.

On the king's wrist sat his favorite hawk, for in those days hawks were trained to hunt. At a word from their masters they would fly high up into the air, and look around for prey. If they chanced to see a deer or rabbit, they would swoop down upon it swift as any arrow.

Towards evening they started for home. The king had often ridden through the woods, and he knew all the paths. So while the rest of the party took the nearest way, he went by the longer road through a valley between two mountains.

The day had been warm, and the king was very thirsty. His pet hawk had left his wrist a flown away. It would be sure to find its way home.

The king rode slowly along. He had once seen a spring of clear water near this path. If he could only find it now! But the hot days of summer had dried up all the mountain brooks.

At last, to his joy, he saw some water trickling down over the edge of a rock. He know that there was a spring farther up. In the wet season, a swift stream of water always poured down here; but now it came only one drop at a time.

The king leaped from his horse. He took a little silver cup from his hunting bag. He held it so as to catch the slowly falling drops.

It took a long time to fill the cup; and the king was so thirsty that he could hardly wait. At last it was nearly full. He put the cup to his lips, and was about to drink.

All at once there was a whirling sound in the air, and the cup was knocked from his hands. The water was all spilled upon the ground.

The king looked up to see who had done this thing. It was his pet hawk.
The hawk flew back and forth a few times, and then alighted among the rocks by the spring. The king picked up the cup, and again he held it to catch the trickling drops.

This time he did not wait so long. When the cup was half full, he lifted it towards his mouth. But before it had touched his lips, the hawk swooped down again, and knocked it from his hands.

And now the king began to grow angry. He tried again, and for the third time the hawk kept him from drinking.

The king was now very angry indeed. "How do you dare to act so?" he cried. "If I had you in my hands, I would wring your neck!" Then he filled the cup again. But before he tried to drink, he drew his sword.

"Now, Sir Hawk," he said, "this is the last time."

He had hardly spoken before the hawk swooped down and knocked the cup from his hand. But the king was looking for this. With a quick sweep of the sword he struck the bird as it passed.

The next moment the poor hawk lay bleeding and dying at its master's feet.
"That is what you get for your pains," said the king.
But when he looked up for his cup, he found that it had fallen between two rocks where he could not reach it.

"At any rate, I will have a drink from that spring," he said to himself.
With that he began to climb the steep bank to the place from which the water had trickled. It was hard work, and the higher he climbed, the thirstier he became.

At last he reached the place. There indeed was a pool of water; but what was that lying in the pool, and almost filling it? It was a huge, dead snake of the most poisonous kind.

The king stopped. He forgot his thirst. He thought only of the poor dead bird lying on the ground below him.

"The hawk saved my life!" he cried, "and how did I repay him? He was my best friend and I have killed him."

He clambered down the bank. He took the bird up gently, and laid it in his hunting bag. Then he mounted his horse and rode swiftly home.



I am swooping down again to knock down your cup… but will you put away your sword?